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just here

Registered: 02/28/11
Posts: 4
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
1 marijuana charge, 1 year
    #531683 - 03/01/11 03:10 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

(srry that this is so long. i spared alot for to try to shorten it)

hello. I am new to the growery message board so hi everyone. I just wanted to post and share my experience with the law relating to a single possesion of marijuana charge. I'm not really sure where to begin so I guess ill start with a little backround. Ive been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD and borderlline personality disorder and i have beem placed on atleast 40 different medications. From benzo's and tranquilizers to anti-psychotics and anti-depressents. but none of that has ever seemed to work for me. All these "medications" have done is fuck me up and knock me out, which is not what I am looking for. and on top of them not being affective ive experienced severe side affects from a great number of them. I felt for a very long time like all hope was lost while trying out all of these pills. I needed something first to calm me down so i could think rationally so i could then begin making corrections on my own. I found cannabis several years ago. I was genuinly amazed at how effective it was at treating anxiety even at one use. Of course, every symptom was not eliminated but the difference was what i believed to be at the time unreachable. All i was looking for was something to stablize me, but the cannabis did so much more and even further exceeded my already well-met expectations. My OCD was helped in this way when i would ingest cannabis: the obsessions werent really stopped but I was able to change my point of view towards them. Instead of obsessiing about a certain topic with great dismay and anxiety, i was able to sort of ponder about it in a constructive way. It became no longer a serious problem and disorder, but merely the way i think, another thing that made me unique. I was even able to laugh at many of the more morbid thoughts and accept them as the darker nature as our reality. In a way they helped me because it made it easier for me to connect to suffering and tragedy and think of ways to help being that the thoughts often made their way into my mind. The ritualistic behavior decreased by a very wide margin as well. And the rest of my little compulsions too became part of who i was(well, they always were but i simply quit rejecting them).
After stopping the panic attacks, I knew i had to work on my biggest problem, the borderline disorder. BPD is far too complex for me to go into, so let me just say that we kind of have an extreme overbundance of emotion with insufficient ways of channeling it or stopping it, like some sort of emotional hemophialia or something. Emptiness, nothingness, lonliness, depression, fears of being abandoned, rage and self mutilation are all some of the symptoms and criteria that play into this. I was counting on it helping anxiety, but never expected this much comming form just a plant. Basically, I realized I had no real reason for my existance. I remember wondering, What am i living for? this is a question I dont know if ill ever be able to fully answer, but I did reach some answers. it all stemmed from one word, one word that i still believe to be the most important out there concering existance and human nature: LOVE. i dont know why but beliefs in peace, honesty and unity simultaneously followed. so I took my obsession with the pointlessness of my own existance and turned it into a great concern for the fate of this world and the people in it. I take everyhting i see and hear to heart, some think too much. I began studying buddhism and taoism(as well as many other "religions") i began to write about my own newly forming intense beliefes and opinions. I became very active in my church, becoming pretty much one of the leaders of the youth group. i had one or two of the four meetings a week all to myself to try to get through to alot of my peers.
Like many, i was not oblivious, but not really concerned with the fact that there are two sides to every argument. after that was eliminated, i  began to second guess government and society....
I began to speak out about modern established culture and alot of us policy. I went public with my marijuana use and used myself as an example to counter the image of the profile of a teenage drug user. I became the leader of many of those around me without trying to be. I was still managing good grades and was in AP and Dual enrollemnt this whole time, as well as activly involved in sports and after-school activities...this continued on for a bit and i kept getting better. i  had bad times and then overcame them. I continued to use cannabis throughout this period without trying any other substances including alcohal and tobbacco...
after I was open about my cannabis use I was scolded by my parents(I just told them one day) this brought on conflicting emotions. I didnt want to go back to prescription meds, and even though i felt like i had mastered my symptoms, ive researched alot of negative things that can happen when people get off of their meds(technically in my case it was an illegal narcotic)i also didnt want to sneak around my parents backs and lie to them. in the end i continued to self-medicate openely....

One night my mother was intoxicated and came into my room and told me it was ok to smoke pot. =D i burned in my room and knocked out the cashed bowl(s) in the windowsill.
i came home the next night and there was a cop car at my house. They scraped up the ash from my windowsill and got a positive test on it and i was charged with possesion of marijuana-less than 20g...

at court i told the judge i wasnt doing anything wrong and that cannbis helps me. After that i committment meeting was set up and all they did was tell me that i was ruining my life by doing drugs and how careless a person it made me for doing so. I told them that i was fine until the government stepped in and that it was in fact THEM who are trying to ruin my life. I was later sentenced to 6-9 months to a level 6 prgram in FL.

i went there confident thinking that i had controll over my emotions now. it lasted about two weeks before i began breaking down. the stress, change in environments, daily routine, isolation hacked away at me, and very rapidly, I became worse than ever before. I began cutting my chest arms and legs. I was having about 15 panic attacks a day. I contemplated suicide daily. I ended up gettting baker acted after four months and they decided i be better off if i finish my remaining two months at a metal health facility. however, the wait was too long and they didnt want to keep me in their facility for any longer so they took the easy way out(for them). they transferred me to a juvenile prison. I was still promised to get out in two months. I thought I could handle it. They restarted my time with no jusification and they also said that they planned to extend my sentence amd hold onto me for the maximium jurisdiction that they had over me(until i was nineteen) I had the lowest amount of offender points in the history of anyone to ever attend that facility. Over time i began to view myself as just another criminal. I was locked up with youth with doezens of charges from home invasion to armed robbery to assualt with a deadly weapon. I grew to hate myself. I grew to hate life and developed an extreme longing to die. I saw no point in life. I was abused heavily by the staff. Ive had my face smashed into the ground, been knocked out several times and ended up with a severe concussion once. Ive been held down and punched and kicked. ive been choked unconscious. This happens all around the world to far far greater severities usually unchecked. I couldnt bring myself to look at myself as a victim and i learned to hate myself. I could never hate or hurt those around me so I took it all out on myself. I was hospitalized three times becuse of staff, three times that because of myself. I broke my own hand on my face. i broke my nose. I grabbed my own thumb and broke it three times(now awaiting surgery) mmy whole body is covered in scars. on more than one occasion ive cut down to the bone and came close to death. I was in the worst possible envornment to continue my recovery from my psychological and emotional nueroses. They would strip me of my clothes and throw me into a freezing room with no blankets or mat and they would verbally harass me until i would flip out again. Everytime i wanted to kill one of the staff I would instead attempt to kill myself. I took it hard. The darkest i got was this one night when i actually tried to cut out my own heart with a piece of glass i broke out of a calculator screen..

My parents got a lawyer and over time I got the sentence reduced to one year because they couldnt legally hold me anymore than that in that facility being that i only had one misdemeanor charge with no priors. However the facility kept attempting to take my release date and i had to keep fighting to keep it. I was released on Feb 5 2011 after a brief stay in a psychiatric hospital. i had turned 18 in the program.

now im back home basically emotionally crippled from all that i have been through. I am not currently smoking cannabis and am refusing to get back on pills. Ive stopped the self mutilation as of almost two weekd but i have made one half-hearted suicide attempt. Ive considered getting back on cannabis and using masking drinks but if i get caught and sent back i know ill kill myself. I have more ways to deal with my emotions out here but theres only so much you can do. I feel empty and that there is no point in my existance. I am keeping myself alive simply for the sake of those who love me. Im currently having about 10-15 major panic attacks a day. I hope one day herb can help me as it once did to take control of my life. i know i should be able to do it on my own and i am really trying. i just wanted to share this to let everyone know that there are kids out there getting locked up for single possesion charges and it blows my fucking mind. Is one possesion chrage really constitiute taking a year from somebody? i dont know. I know this is shitty quality ive rushed through but i just wanted to let everyone know basically wat happened to me. I may seriously write about my experiences and when i do ill do my best to put it up. till then, peace everyone. sorry if this was kinda long

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Registered: 08/28/10
Posts: 434
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: 1 marijuana charge, 1 year [Re: amiacriminal] * 1
    #531685 - 03/01/11 03:19 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Too high to read that big wall of text man, maybe tommorow when I'm more sober

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trash hoarder
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Arkanoid, Donkey Kong

Registered: 04/24/08
Posts: 8,842
Loc: emerica
Last seen: 7 days, 7 minutes
Re: 1 marijuana charge, 1 year [Re: amiacriminal]
    #531687 - 03/01/11 03:56 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

damn dude, sorry for your misfortune.

i hope things start looking up for you.

you didn't deserve any sort of punishment for what you were doing.

keep your head up man.


FurrowedBrow said:

They should teach african engineering at the college level.  mcgyver 101

Harry_Ba11sach said:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

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Registered: 04/25/10
Posts: 581
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: 1 marijuana charge, 1 year [Re: MFDoom666]
    #531736 - 03/01/11 12:03 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

what brought the cops to your house in the first place? it is a sad day when you get busted days later for smoking a bowl with ash as the evidence, still sorry for the situation witch you are in. just rember that you are 18 and life is still ahead of you man.

Everyone are you ready for doom,
Because I've blackened the sun,
And I've bloodied the moon.
I bring gloom when I step in the room,
With the fumes of a tomb.
flowers bloom when Im taken away

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just here

Registered: 02/28/11
Posts: 4
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: 1 marijuana charge, 1 year [Re: lostinbq]
    #531864 - 03/01/11 07:47 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

my mother called the cops on me. and yeah thanks

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Midnight toker
 Arcade Champion: QB Challenge

Registered: 10/29/10
Posts: 510
Loc: Don' worry bout it
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: 1 marijuana charge, 1 year [Re: amiacriminal]
    #540877 - 03/28/11 03:22 AM (5 years, 6 months ago)

wow man thats rough, keep your head high and your middle finger higher.

What was your moms reason for calling the cops on you? Change of heart? I would never call the cops on a kid of mine blood's thicker than all

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