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 Hendershot
Shapeshifter
 
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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 Need some serious marital advice 
#560096 - 05/31/11 08:30 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Okay, so I got married a year ago. When we met she was an occasional smoker, but she knew I smoke just about every day.
She's pregnant now, due in . so she can't smoke. Now she's on my ass to quit. For good.
We got in a huge fight yesterday about it, and now I'm at a serious impasse...cuz I'm not going to quit. I've been smoking for 30 years; it's part of what makes me me.
She agrees that it doesn't interfere with my life; I work hard to support us and I treat her like a queen...
During this "exchange", I broke down every single argument she had with logic..except one. She said " Bottom line is it's illegal, and if you cared about me and the baby you wouldn't take the chance of going to jail."
What the hell do I say to that?
I have never been in trouble for weed, and am always careful about when and where I partake.
So here's the question: do I mollify her and say Okay I quit, and then continue to catch the occasional buzz anyway? Or do I be straight up and say No way, I'm not quitting, you can like it or lump it.
Add this to the mix. 2/3 of her family is in law enforcement, so if it comes out to her family I am the bad guy no matter what.
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
Edited by Hendershot (06/23/11 07:41 AM)
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 mellowparty
Ribosome user
Registered: 07/05/09
Posts: 489
Loc: 3'-UTR 
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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 Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560100 - 05/31/11 08:44 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
treat her like a queen bitch
As long as you dont smoke around her i.e. exposing her to the smoke and be extra careful about your shit I'd say keep on smoking. Just be twice as careful.
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BlueBerry_Swisher
West Virginia Waltzin’
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,335
Loc: Carolina Swampland 
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560101 - 05/31/11 08:45 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Eesh thats tough. I thought it was for the baby's health. But she has a point. I dont think quitting for good is the answer though. Maybe just while the baby is a newborn you could cut back to help out with it (2 am feedings and all that) but congrats for the new addition to your family 
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Let food be thy medicine
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560102 - 05/31/11 08:46 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Do you have any priors that could result in you being in the slammer for extended periods of time?
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RasJeph
Psycho Pete
Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 11,657
Loc: Bumfuckt Egypt
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560103 - 05/31/11 08:46 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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IMO honesty is the best policy.
Just cut down a bit and try to not do it right in front of her.
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Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?
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smurf_master
Master Smurf
Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: RasJeph]
#560104 - 05/31/11 08:48 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
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Hendershot
Shapeshifter
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: DungenessDank]
#560108 - 05/31/11 08:53 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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@ Dungeness- I have one drug charge on my record from 16 years ago. For PCP.
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560110 - 05/31/11 08:56 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well just tell her if you get caught you will quit. Other wise just get high where she won't be able to nag at you.
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Hendershot
Shapeshifter
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: DungenessDank]
#560115 - 05/31/11 09:02 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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I hear ya.. I just fucking resent having to hide what I consider a harmless indulgence. I think it's basically an issue only because she can't partake.
Oh yeah, she has no problem with my guerrilla activities because "we could use the money" 
I didn't point out the hypocrisy of that statement, on the chance that she may amend her answer..
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560118 - 05/31/11 09:05 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Don't be an asshole, asshole. If you wife loves smoking but she's quitting for the baby, then you should be a supportive, loving husband and quit also. Not because it interferes, not because it's illegal, but because being pregnant fucking sucks and she's going to need all the emotional support she can get from you. Tell her you'll quit for 9 months while she's baking the little cake, but you won't quit forever. And then tell her to move your family to somewhere where it's not so illegal.
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smurf_master
Master Smurf
Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560120 - 05/31/11 09:07 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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So you can't smoke weed when you are pregnant? I always thought it was just alcohol. Odd.
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: smurf_master]
#560121 - 05/31/11 09:08 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Shouldn't smoke anything if you want your kid to come out asthma-free
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smurf_master
Master Smurf
Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: DungenessDank]
#560122 - 05/31/11 09:09 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well, what about in edible form?
I'm not a women but I'd think it would help with the nausea and such.
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T-Rex
Herbsman
Registered: 03/15/10
Posts: 4,920
Loc: Devils Marbles 
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560123 - 05/31/11 09:10 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Move interstate.
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mellowparty
Ribosome user
Registered: 07/05/09
Posts: 489
Loc: 3'-UTR
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: smurf_master]
#560127 - 05/31/11 09:22 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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smurf_master said:
Well, what about in edible form?
I'm not a women but I'd think it would help with the nausea and such.
 cannabinoids have no place in the developing brain. In some cases though cannabinoids could help with the very early stages in implantation of the embryo. If the levels of the endogenous cannabinoid anandamide are low then weed will help but if they're normal or high then it will prevent pregnancy.
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Hendershot
Shapeshifter
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Harry_Ba11sach]
#560130 - 05/31/11 09:30 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Harry_Ba11sach said:
Don't be an asshole, asshole. If you wife loves smoking but she's quitting for the baby, then you should be a supportive, loving husband and quit also. Not because it interferes, not because it's illegal, but because being pregnant fucking sucks and she's going to need all the emotional support she can get from you. Tell her you'll quit for 9 months while she's baking the little cake, but you won't quit forever. And then tell her to move your family to somewhere where it's not so illegal.
Wow.. asshole?
First, she doesn't love smoking. She's an occasional smoker. Second, she gets plenty of support from me; I dote on this woman. I love her very much and show her daily. In fact, I love her so much, that if the situation were reversed I wouldn't make her quit something she loved just because I couldn't do it. That's pretty fucking selfish imo..
Aand lastly... When she's further along, who do you think will be doing ALL the housework, yardwork, shopping, EVERYTHING? Me. I'm not bitching about it; it's my job, we're a team, that's my part and I'm happy to do it. We both have different parts to play and it should be give and take. Everything can't be equal for each of us.
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
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smurf_master
Master Smurf
Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560131 - 05/31/11 09:31 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Women are spoiled.
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BlueBerry_Swisher
West Virginia Waltzin’
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,335
Loc: Carolina Swampland
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: smurf_master]
#560132 - 05/31/11 09:33 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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No. we're not.
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Let food be thy medicine
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smurf_master
Master Smurf
Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 413
Loc: Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Pffffffff
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BlueBerry_Swisher
West Virginia Waltzin’
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,335
Loc: Carolina Swampland
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: smurf_master]
#560137 - 05/31/11 09:37 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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some are. Some boys are spoiled. Thats how life is.
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Let food be thy medicine
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560139 - 05/31/11 09:42 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hendershot said:
Harry_Ba11sach said:
Don't be an asshole, asshole. If you wife loves smoking but she's quitting for the baby, then you should be a supportive, loving husband and quit also. Not because it interferes, not because it's illegal, but because being pregnant fucking sucks and she's going to need all the emotional support she can get from you. Tell her you'll quit for 9 months while she's baking the little cake, but you won't quit forever. And then tell her to move your family to somewhere where it's not so illegal.
Wow.. asshole?
First, she doesn't love smoking. She's an occasional smoker. Second, she gets plenty of support from me; I dote on this woman. I love her very much and show her daily. In fact, I love her so much, that if the situation were reversed I wouldn't make her quit something she loved just because I couldn't do it. That's pretty fucking selfish imo..
Aand lastly... When she's further along, who do you think will be doing ALL the housework, yardwork, shopping, EVERYTHING? Me. I'm not bitching about it; it's my job, we're a team, that's my part and I'm happy to do it. We both have different parts to play and it should be give and take. Everything can't be equal for each of us.
I was doing the tough love thing, but good answer 
Honestly, I think she's just worried about the legality, see if she'd be willing to relocate somewhere where it's legal. Come to Colorado and your kid can grow up an outdoorsy badass like me.
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Steve Buscemi
Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 2,167
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560141 - 05/31/11 10:00 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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DSHSB..........duh.
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Hendershot
Shapeshifter
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Steve Buscemi]
#560148 - 05/31/11 10:28 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Steve Buscemi said:
DSHSB..........duh.
Steve, the thread said SERIOUS advice.
I'll use lube.
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
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Tank333
Psychotic Hippie
Registered: 08/19/10
Posts: 1,241
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#560161 - 05/31/11 11:04 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Honestly man, I would just be upfront, and tell her you're not gonna quit unless you get caught. In the 30+ years you've been smoking and growing you've never once been caught?? Take that to mean that you're careful enough to keep from getting in trouble.
Honestly, if she can't see the logic there, then she's really not being rational and I can't help ya after that... well, she's already not being rational, imo, but sometimes if you present the situation logically, they'll see the light... this is why I'm glad my girl's a patient just like me! Lol.
Move to a legal state, bro. Then you can grow outdoors or inside without worries of arrest and jail-time!
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My best run so far
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SpaceMonkey
Mind Pilot
Registered: 02/09/09
Posts: 3,471
Loc: Hawaiian Islands
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Tank333] 1
#560254 - 05/31/11 01:55 PM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Harry Nut sack had it right I think. I believe her concern ia the legality and possibility of getting caught and maybe loosing the baby because of it. Child protective services could be involved if ever u get raided. Or even maybe just the thought of you being arrested and going to jail and not being there for her because of it? Woman go through some wild changes during pregnancy, mentally and physically. Not sure how to handle it though? Maybe just inform her that you will keep it long away from her and the house? That worked for me, but who knows.
Congratulations on having a baby btw!
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 Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness
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Hendershot
Shapeshifter
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: SpaceMonkey]
#561493 - 06/03/11 07:22 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well, we worked it out... I'm gonna pretend I quit, and she's gonna pretend not to notice when I come back in the house all chink eyed and cheezin..
I think the argument the other day can be more attributed to hormones than anything, I just can't say that to HER. 
Thanks everyone for your suggestions and congratulations.
Maybe I'll start a baby grow log. NOT!!
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
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Hendershot
Shapeshifter
Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 676
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Re: Need some serious marital advice [Re: Hendershot]
#561494 - 06/03/11 07:25 AM (14 years, 10 months ago) |
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Oh yeah, I also agreed that this will be my last grow. At least for awhile, until the perfect set of circumstances presents itself...
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"You're cool, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out.."
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