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 BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace 
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 Nostalgia 
#539082 - 03/23/11 12:23 AM (13 years, 28 days ago) |
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I have had a very bad passed few days. Since Thursday night actually. And I am pretty sure I am slipping back into my depression. I'm really scared about that happening. I was depressed back in 2009 towards the end of the year, and it went away after awhile. But so much has happened that I feel like my brain just cannot process it. I find myself thinking about myself as a freshly graduated high school student and so fucking ignorant and blissful. I will be 20 in a few short days, and I feel this crippling feeling when I think about life less than two years ago. It just swells whenever I hear certain songs or see certain things or smell certain smells. I don't know what to do. For example, listening to Clear Day by Ulrich Schnauss makes me think of when I first started smoking and feeling what being stoned really meant, the connections I felt with myself and with nature blah blah blah, and my heart feels like it swells so huge, and then just bursts but not in a good way. I don't know what to do, I feel like I've lost my way at some point..
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Let food be thy medicine
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal
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I thought you said you dropped out of grad school.... but not if you're only 19.....
Also, google returns NO results for "Woman Gang-Fucked by Armless Ninjas." What the fuck is that about? How am I supposed to wank if that's not even going to return a single result?
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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what? uhm...nope. havent dropped out of school. i am an almost junior in college. but thanks.
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Let food be thy medicine
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal
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Oh fuck sorry I was thinking of someone else. Who was it, CandyGirl or something? She dropped out of grad school and moved cross country to her bf and then he dumped her.
Well, I don't know what to tell you about your depression, but honestly you shouldn't feel like life is so rough. For example, you didn't strike out on gang-rape armless ninja porn earlier tonight, so honestly life is pretty good for you.
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 RasJeph
Psycho Pete
Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 11,657
Loc: Bumfuckt Egypt
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
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Ya, I'm gonna be 21 next month and I know how you feel. I'd like to go to school (maybe) or get a (better) job, but I have pretty wicked social anxiety that fucks up everything I try to do. I'm fine if I know and am friends with someone, but meeting new people keeps me awake all night and makes me puke all day. I know thats lame, but its just how I am. I've always been like that.
I mean, if is party or something, that eases the tension...but trying to meet people in a professional situation is terrifying to me.
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Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?
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Cage
Melancholy Mindfuck.
Registered: 01/13/11
Posts: 645
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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 Re: Nostalgia [Re: RasJeph]
#539326 - 03/23/11 05:51 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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I also have a fear of slipping back into my depression... It's never had anything to do with nostalgia though.. What happened to you.. exactly?
If you want to talk about it feel free to  me.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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go see a psychiatrist. I did. It helped me out tons with school and life in general. Sure medications should be a temporary thing but it can def help bridge a gap in someones life while they mature and become more stable.
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drawde
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 5,268
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I know this gets said a lot but its true, meditation helps a lot. I once doubted it could help with anything but my life has been changed totally by meditation, especially with depression and that kind of stuff. You dont have to make it complicated at all. Just sit there however you feel comfortable, close your eyes, and let go. Let the mind be silent. Focus all your attention on your breathing. Feel your beingness. Feel what it is that is bothering you and recognize its just a feeling you have been choosing to feel, its not you.
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King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends
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drawde
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 5,268
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: RasJeph]
#539335 - 03/23/11 06:29 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
RasJeph said:
Ya, I'm gonna be 21 next month and I know how you feel. I'd like to go to school (maybe) or get a (better) job, but I have pretty wicked social anxiety that fucks up everything I try to do. I'm fine if I know and am friends with someone, but meeting new people keeps me awake all night and makes me puke all day. I know thats lame, but its just how I am. I've always been like that.
I mean, if is party or something, that eases the tension...but trying to meet people in a professional situation is terrifying to me.
I feel your pain man... social anxiety is a bitch and a half. I am still overcoming crippling anxiety that plagued me for years. It all started when I got super sick for nearly a year then broke my leg and was housebound for over 2 years and when I started getting back out into society it was like I had forgotten how to even function.
I am starting to feel half the battle is just leaving the bad shit in the past where it belongs. Like Alan Watts says the past is something that comes out of the now, the past does not define the now unless you let it, and well... letting the tail wag the dog is a ridiculous situation.
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King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: drawde]
#539337 - 03/23/11 06:30 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Ive always wanted to give meditation a try. Ive heard it working for a lot of people. Same with yoga
Just never really took the time to learn how to properly do it and what not
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Coaster
I'm Back Baby
Registered: 04/23/08
Posts: 25,306
Loc: Sativa Central
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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dude i no nostalgia gets to me very hard too
i cant think about college without being sad its over
like even when i see my gremlin
and i think about how i was such a lil rambunctious lil candy kid back then when life was so free
and now how im an adult with so many things on my plate
i too cant listen to old songs, mostly happy hardcore
i dont know what to do either
i guess time heals?
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
#539341 - 03/23/11 06:33 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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you start teaching yet?
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Coaster
I'm Back Baby
Registered: 04/23/08
Posts: 25,306
Loc: Sativa Central
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
#539343 - 03/23/11 06:35 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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drawde
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 5,268
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
#539348 - 03/23/11 06:39 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
KillerPicklez said:
Just never really took the time to learn how to properly do it and what not
Thats a sort of trap I was caught in for a long time. A part of me knew it would be of benefit but I thought oh I have to make so much time for this and buy all these books and learn this and that and the next thing yadadada...
Just start.
There will be plenty of time later when your interest has grown to learn all the different techniques. For now just begin taking a minute or two here or there to clear your mind and focus in on your awareness. Once the ball gets rolling it gains momentum....
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King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
#539349 - 03/23/11 06:40 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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nice man! what grade level?
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RasJeph
Psycho Pete
Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 11,657
Loc: Bumfuckt Egypt
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
#539350 - 03/23/11 06:40 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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It really sucks to grow up and realise the world sucks just as much as everyone promised it would.
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Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?
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Coaster
I'm Back Baby
Registered: 04/23/08
Posts: 25,306
Loc: Sativa Central
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
#539351 - 03/23/11 06:41 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
KillerPicklez said:
nice man! what grade level?
its hs
no grade
just branch
Algebra
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
#539352 - 03/23/11 06:44 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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nice man, good to hear everything panned out
I am kind of leaning towards being a forest ranger once i get out of college. money isnt great (like teaching) but great benefits. plus i think it's something i'd really enjoy doing for a living.
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SpaceMonkey
Mind Pilot
Registered: 02/09/09
Posts: 3,471
Loc: Hawaiian Islands
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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I know the feeling you speak of. And I don't think it is depression. You may feel blue and sad when things are triggered but all in all I think we are growing when we have these reflection periods. I can say threw life I have had about 2 of these reflection periods. One at about 25 and another around 35. It is like a growing pain, it hurts but it is all for the better good. This is just a mental growth. All these thoughts some how subconsciously (like dreams)help you to evolve into the next stage of life, adulthood. The thing is not to dwell on it, go with the flow and when its over let it go.
I hope that makes some kind of sense! 
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  Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness
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Coaster
I'm Back Baby
Registered: 04/23/08
Posts: 25,306
Loc: Sativa Central
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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makes perfect sense
we should embrace our destitution
because its healthy maturation process
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SpaceMonkey
Mind Pilot
Registered: 02/09/09
Posts: 3,471
Loc: Hawaiian Islands
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
#539357 - 03/23/11 06:52 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Destitution?
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Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness
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RasJeph
Psycho Pete
Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 11,657
Loc: Bumfuckt Egypt
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
#539358 - 03/23/11 06:54 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
KillerPicklez said:I am kind of leaning towards being a forest ranger once i get out of college.
That actually sounds pretty boss to me. 
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Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: RasJeph]
#539370 - 03/23/11 07:39 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
RasJeph said:
Quote:
KillerPicklez said:I am kind of leaning towards being a forest ranger once i get out of college.
That actually sounds pretty boss to me.
I think so. get a little cabin in the woods and do basic park maintenance and shit. Plus I know these state parks here pretty well already. Been looking at some spots in Utah, Colorado or Idaho.
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
#539433 - 03/23/11 11:14 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Wow my thread grew. Cool.
I stayed out pretty late tonight, and Dayvan Cowboy got me bad. I don't know its a weird existential feeling. Like I know too much about life or something. Id really like to have a psychedelic experience sometime soon, because these feelings get really strong sometimes like something is trying to get out. its very weird to explain. like a universal feeling in my chest, its too big.
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Let food be thy medicine
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m00nshine
HEDONISMBOT
Registered: 02/12/09
Posts: 3,148
Loc: INEUPHORIA
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I used to feel a feeling of "universal consciousness" once and a while. I would feel as if I was connected to everyone's consciousness... like the energy contained within my soul had reached out on all sides... weird, yeah 
That's what I thought of when I read your post
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CandyGirl
Registered: 11/18/09
Posts: 831
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Quote:
Harry_Ba11sach said:
Oh fuck sorry I was thinking of someone else. Who was it, CandyGirl or something? She dropped out of grad school and moved cross country to her bf and then he dumped her.
Quote:
A7X said:
Wow my thread grew. Cool.
I stayed out pretty late tonight, and Dayvan Cowboy got me bad. I don't know its a weird existential feeling. Like I know too much about life or something. Id really like to have a psychedelic experience sometime soon, because these feelings get really strong sometimes like something is trying to get out. its very weird to explain. like a universal feeling in my chest, its too big.
Sorry to hear about your depression  I used to get into moods like this a few years ago, so I can relate with some things you've said.
Personally, yoga has really helped a lot with this, or just working out in general. I can see how psychedelics can help too, but for a long term fix I suggest taking up a physical activity you really enjoy. I know practicing yoga has just really improved a lot of things in my life. 
Edited by CandyGirl (03/23/11 11:43 PM)
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: CandyGirl]
#539444 - 03/23/11 11:46 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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i already work out a lot. idk its weird. im weird.
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Let food be thy medicine
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m00nshine
HEDONISMBOT
Registered: 02/12/09
Posts: 3,148
Loc: INEUPHORIA
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Pills help. 
FTW
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KaptKid
Spaced Pirate
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 5,615
Loc: Bright Side of the Sun
Last seen: 4 months, 20 days
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The world is weird. And the cool thing is, its gona get weirder.
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Child of the 60's, Tripping ever sence.
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CandyGirl
Registered: 11/18/09
Posts: 831
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: KaptKid]
#539447 - 03/23/11 11:52 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: CandyGirl]
#539448 - 03/23/11 11:55 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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no thanks...no meds for me. 
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Let food be thy medicine
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: CandyGirl]
#539450 - 03/23/11 11:57 PM (13 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
CandyGirl said:
Quote:
Harry_Ba11sach said:
Oh fuck sorry I was thinking of someone else. Who was it, CandyGirl or something? She dropped out of grad school and moved cross country to her bf and then he dumped her.
Don't look so confused, I've already clearly demonstrated I have no idea who the heck that was. 
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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wasnt that Pandora? or shroomiegirl
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Let food be thy medicine
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal
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Oh maybe it was shroomiegirl. I don't really keep up with all this internet drama nonsense.
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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Let food be thy medicine
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still beLIEve
State Property..Again
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,167
Loc: a world thats not my own
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Try not to take things to seriously. Remember the past, but don't focus on it. Look at the future, and where you want your end destination to be. Think of what you need to do to get there. Never be content, always grow. Keep focus. Remember that feelings are just that, feelings. They don't define you. Seriously try not to focus on the past very much. You can't re live good experiences. I've seen people close to me try and do that instead of focusing on the now and how to make new good experiences. It was quite sad.
Love and light.
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niteowl said:
See, that term pedo gets thrown around a lot.
Is a 16 year old guy having sex w/a 16 year old girl a pedophile?
If not, then how is a 30 year old considered a pedophile for doing the same thing?
I think y'all need to look up the definition for pedophile.
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SpaceMonkey
Mind Pilot
Registered: 02/09/09
Posts: 3,471
Loc: Hawaiian Islands
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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Quote:
still beLIEve said:
Try not to take things to seriously. Remember the past, but don't focus on it. Look at the future, and where you want your end destination to be. Think of what you need to do to get there. Never be content, always grow. Keep focus. Remember that feelings are just that, feelings. They don't define you. Seriously try not to focus on the past very much. You can't re live good experiences. I've seen people close to me try and do that instead of focusing on the now and how to make new good experiences. It was quite sad.
Love and light.
Right on bro!
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Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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I've had a better day. My best friends are fighting which sucks. I have to choose between them which is never fun. Tomorrow night, I am promised a big ass party so whoo hoo to that.
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Let food be thy medicine
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budnectar
Planetary Citizen
Registered: 02/19/11
Posts: 468
Loc: Mars
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Glad to hear your day picked up. There's a sort of comfort in reading threads like this just to show how different people across the world can relate. I'm glad you made this thread- I haven't been on in a while and was feeling kinda down with the "mental growing pains," you already know.
This is like awesome international group therapy for cannabis enthusiasts! -where we can smoke, toke, joke, and poke our brains together trying to understand this wacky world. Who the fuck needs Big Pharm or the APA?! jj i knoow peeple likes dair pillz
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: budnectar]
#539885 - 03/25/11 12:28 AM (13 years, 26 days ago) |
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yeah i like to come on here for a laugh especially at bigbudz or read up on anxiety or sadness when it hits me. this site has been pretty good to me.
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Let food be thy medicine
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Coaster
I'm Back Baby
Registered: 04/23/08
Posts: 25,306
Loc: Sativa Central
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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this song gives me so much nostalgia
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Blazed as
Cooked
Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 69
Loc: Aussie Aussie Aussiee 
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
#539893 - 03/25/11 01:05 AM (13 years, 26 days ago) |
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Help me out here guys, I'm trying to define some shit that's been happening with me the past few months..
Whenever I enter a crowded place or any really social setting, parties, shopping centers or whatever I start feeling really aware of my self and find it difficult to breathe, I get really bad dry mouth and start feeling like everyones either staring at me or talking about me in some way and I can't think straight or talk right.
Would this be considered social anxiety? Does any of this shit happen to anyone else?
Cheers, peace.
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There is no human nature, only human behaviour. - Jacque Fresco
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Blazed as]
#539896 - 03/25/11 01:28 AM (13 years, 26 days ago) |
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thats social anxiety and sort of sounds like hyperchondria. just relax and try not to think about yourself. i know i do it too. i just focus on my breathing and then eventually i chill out,its all in your head you gotta tell yourself.
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Let food be thy medicine
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Blazed as
Cooked
Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 69
Loc: Aussie Aussie Aussiee
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Reading back on that i made it sound alot worse than it actually is it doesn't happen every time I'm in that setting it sort of depends on what mood I'm in and what happened that day etc, but it does come frequent.
But shit happens, tomorrows another day.
Time to smoke some bud, peace.
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There is no human nature, only human behaviour. - Jacque Fresco
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FarBeyondDriven
Truthfully, I'm a bullshitter
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 13,834
Loc: Greenbow, Alabama
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Quote:
A7X said:
thats social anxiety and sort of sounds like hyperchondria. just relax and try not to think about yourself. i know i do it too. i just focus on my breathing and then eventually i chill out,its all in your head you gotta tell yourself.
qft
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BlueBerry_Swisher
Heart Slowed
Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 3,303
Loc: Raw Headspace
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im quite hungry.
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Let food be thy medicine
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