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InvisibleBlueBerry_SwisherS
Heart Slowed
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Registered: 12/19/10
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Nostalgia
    #539082 - 03/23/11 02:23 AM (5 years, 8 months ago)

I have had a very bad passed few days. Since Thursday night actually. And I am pretty sure I am slipping back into my depression. I'm really scared about that happening. I was depressed back in 2009 towards the end of the year, and it went away after awhile. But so much has happened that I feel like my brain just cannot process it. I find myself thinking about myself as a freshly graduated high school student and so fucking ignorant and blissful. I will be 20 in a few short days, and I feel this crippling feeling when I think about life less than two years ago. It just swells whenever I hear certain songs or see certain things or smell certain smells. I don't know what to do. For example, listening to Clear Day by Ulrich Schnauss makes me think of when I first started smoking and feeling what being stoned really meant, the connections I felt with myself and with nature blah blah blah, and my heart feels like it swells so huge, and then just bursts but not in a good way. I don't know what to do, I feel like I've lost my way at some point..


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Let food be thy medicine


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InvisibleHarry_Ba11sachM
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Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher]
    #539086 - 03/23/11 02:34 AM (5 years, 8 months ago)

I thought you said you dropped out of grad school.... but not if you're only 19.....

Also, google returns NO results for "Woman Gang-Fucked by Armless Ninjas."  What the fuck is that about? How am I supposed to wank if that's not even going to return a single result?


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InvisibleBlueBerry_SwisherS
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Harry_Ba11sach]
    #539087 - 03/23/11 02:38 AM (5 years, 8 months ago)

what? uhm...nope. havent dropped out of school. i am an almost junior in college. but thanks.


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InvisibleHarry_Ba11sachM
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher] * 2
    #539088 - 03/23/11 02:41 AM (5 years, 8 months ago)

Oh fuck sorry I was thinking of someone else. Who was it, CandyGirl or something? She dropped out of grad school and moved cross country to her bf and then he dumped her.

Well, I don't know what to tell you about your depression, but honestly you shouldn't feel like life is so rough. For example, you didn't strike out on gang-rape armless ninja porn earlier tonight, so honestly life is pretty good for you.


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OfflineRasJeph
Psycho Pete
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Registered: 01/14/09
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher]
    #539152 - 03/23/11 09:14 AM (5 years, 8 months ago)

Ya, I'm gonna be 21 next month and I know how you feel. I'd like to go to school (maybe) or get a (better) job, but I have pretty wicked social anxiety that fucks up everything I try to do. I'm fine if I know and am friends with someone, but meeting new people keeps me awake all night and makes me puke all day. I know thats lame, but its just how I am. I've always been like that.

I mean, if is  party or something, that eases the tension...but trying to meet people in a professional situation is terrifying to me.


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Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?


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OfflineCage
Melancholy Mindfuck.


Registered: 01/13/11
Posts: 645
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Nostalgia [Re: RasJeph]
    #539326 - 03/23/11 07:51 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

I also have a fear of slipping back into my depression... It's never had anything to do with nostalgia though.. What happened to you.. exactly?

If you want to talk about it feel free to :pm: me.


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OfflinePicklez
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher]
    #539327 - 03/23/11 08:01 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

go see a psychiatrist. I did. It helped me out tons with school and life in general. Sure medications should be a temporary thing but it can def help bridge a gap in someones life while they mature and become more stable.


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Invisibledrawde
 Arcade Champion: Balloon Bomber


Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 4,788
Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher]
    #539333 - 03/23/11 08:21 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

I know this gets said a lot but its true, meditation helps a lot. I once doubted it could help with anything but my life has been changed totally by meditation, especially with depression and that kind of stuff. You dont have to make it complicated at all. Just sit there however you feel comfortable, close your eyes, and let go. Let the mind be silent. Focus all your attention on your breathing. Feel your beingness. Feel what it is that is bothering you and recognize its just a feeling you have been choosing to feel, its not you.


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Invisibledrawde
 Arcade Champion: Balloon Bomber


Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 4,788
Re: Nostalgia [Re: RasJeph]
    #539335 - 03/23/11 08:29 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

RasJeph said:
Ya, I'm gonna be 21 next month and I know how you feel. I'd like to go to school (maybe) or get a (better) job, but I have pretty wicked social anxiety that fucks up everything I try to do. I'm fine if I know and am friends with someone, but meeting new people keeps me awake all night and makes me puke all day. I know thats lame, but its just how I am. I've always been like that.

I mean, if is  party or something, that eases the tension...but trying to meet people in a professional situation is terrifying to me.




I feel your pain man... social anxiety is a bitch and a half. I am still overcoming crippling anxiety that plagued me for years. It all started when I got super sick for nearly a year then broke my leg and was housebound for over 2 years and when I started getting back out into society it was like I had forgotten how to even function.

I am starting to feel half the battle is just leaving the bad shit in the past where it belongs. Like Alan Watts says the past is something that comes out of the now, the past does not define the now unless you let it, and well... letting the tail wag the dog is a ridiculous situation.


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OfflinePicklez
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: drawde]
    #539337 - 03/23/11 08:30 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

Ive always wanted to give meditation a try. Ive heard it working for a lot of people. Same with yoga

Just never really took the time to learn how to properly do it and what not


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OfflineCoaster
I'm Back Baby
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Registered: 04/23/08
Posts: 25,306
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher]
    #539339 - 03/23/11 08:31 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

dude i no nostalgia gets to me very hard too
i cant think about college without being sad its over
like even when i see my gremlin
:coaster:
and i think about how i was such a lil rambunctious lil candy kid back then when life was so free
and now how im an adult with so many things on my plate
i too cant listen to old songs, mostly happy hardcore
i dont know what to do either
i guess time heals?


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OfflinePicklez
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
    #539341 - 03/23/11 08:33 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

you start teaching yet?


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OfflineCoaster
I'm Back Baby
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Registered: 04/23/08
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
    #539343 - 03/23/11 08:35 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

:awesomenod:


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Invisibledrawde
 Arcade Champion: Balloon Bomber


Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 4,788
Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
    #539348 - 03/23/11 08:39 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

KillerPicklez said:
Just never really took the time to learn how to properly do it and what not




Thats a sort of trap I was caught in for a long time. A part of me knew it would be of benefit but I thought oh I have to make so much time for this and buy all these books and learn this and that and the next thing yadadada...
Just start.
There will be plenty of time later when your interest has grown to learn all the different techniques. For now just begin taking a minute or two here or there to clear your mind and focus in on your awareness. Once the ball gets rolling it gains momentum....


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OfflinePicklez
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
    #539349 - 03/23/11 08:40 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

nice man! what grade level?


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OfflineRasJeph
Psycho Pete
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Registered: 01/14/09
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
    #539350 - 03/23/11 08:40 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

It really sucks to grow up and realise the world sucks just as much as everyone promised it would.

:mad2:


--------------------
Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?


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OfflineCoaster
I'm Back Baby
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Picklez]
    #539351 - 03/23/11 08:41 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

KillerPicklez said:
nice man! what grade level?



its hs
no grade
just branch
Algebra


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OfflinePicklez
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: Coaster]
    #539352 - 03/23/11 08:44 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

nice man, good to hear everything panned out

I am kind of leaning towards being a forest ranger once i get out of college. money isnt great (like teaching) but great benefits. plus i think it's something i'd really enjoy doing for a living.


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OfflineSpaceMonkey
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Registered: 02/09/09
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: BlueBerry_Swisher] * 1
    #539354 - 03/23/11 08:46 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

I know the feeling you speak of. And I don't think it is depression. You may feel blue and sad when things are triggered but all in all I think we are growing when we have these reflection periods. I can say threw life I have had about 2 of these reflection periods. One at about 25 and another around 35. It is like a growing pain, it hurts but it is all for the better good. This is just a mental growth. All these thoughts some how subconsciously (like dreams)help you to evolve into the next stage of life, adulthood. The thing is not to dwell on it, go with the flow and when its over let it go.

I hope that makes some kind of sense! :shrug:


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:guns: Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness :guns:


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OfflineCoaster
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Re: Nostalgia [Re: SpaceMonkey]
    #539356 - 03/23/11 08:48 PM (5 years, 8 months ago)

makes perfect sense

we should embrace our destitution

because its healthy maturation process


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