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OfflineTHEBats
The Bridge Master
Male


Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 8,488
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
top 10 ways to screw up your kids
    #169079 - 12/24/08 01:17 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

10. Pretend to die, see what they do.
9.  Make them watch pornos all day.
8.  Kill all the family pets and say that God did it because they wouldn't do the dishes. This should foster a nice atheistic household.
7.  When you bathe them, point and laugh at their genitalia.
6.  Tell them you love them every day. When they say, "I love you too," laugh and say, "I was just kidding!"
5.  Tape them to the ceiling.
4.  For the first five years of their life (until they start Kindergarten) replace all the lights in the house with strobe lights. See what happens. (My guess: They'll learn to blink in synch with the strobe. That's what happened when I tried this experiment with kittens.)
3.  Whenever they say a certain word, (let's pick "hungry") do a little dance, jump up and down three times, clap, touch your toes, then lay down and pretend to go to sleep.
2.  Teach them right and left backwards. This will be sure to fuck them up for years to come.
1.  Do whatever your parents did to you. You're pretty fucked up.


--------------------
kickin-two-hundo said:
you know what i did in english class? I came to class stoned out of my mind every day, i chugged vodka in the back of class, i put dead fish in the ceiling tiles. i put a gallon of old milk and orange juice in the file cabinet before winter vacation. i brought snakes in a tied up sweater and let them loose during class. i didnt go to school to learn, i went because i had to. i didnt care, and i didn't fucking listen to that stupid bitch. and i still don't fucking care. i tore the pages out of her books and burned them, and threw away all the books in the class, two books per day.  :twobooks:


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Invisiblecaptain.koons
Failed Botanist
Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 6,163
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: THEBats]
    #169081 - 12/24/08 01:21 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

wasted 1minute of my life reading!


--------------------


TROLLS NEED LOVE TOO!


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OfflineTHEBats
The Bridge Master
Male


Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 8,488
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: captain.koons]
    #169082 - 12/24/08 01:21 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

then I accomplished my goal.


--------------------
kickin-two-hundo said:
you know what i did in english class? I came to class stoned out of my mind every day, i chugged vodka in the back of class, i put dead fish in the ceiling tiles. i put a gallon of old milk and orange juice in the file cabinet before winter vacation. i brought snakes in a tied up sweater and let them loose during class. i didnt go to school to learn, i went because i had to. i didnt care, and i didn't fucking listen to that stupid bitch. and i still don't fucking care. i tore the pages out of her books and burned them, and threw away all the books in the class, two books per day.  :twobooks:


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Invisiblecaptain.koons
Failed Botanist
Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 6,163
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: THEBats]
    #169084 - 12/24/08 01:25 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

bastage!


--------------------


TROLLS NEED LOVE TOO!


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Invisiblemel_lonta_tauda
Male User Gallery
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,407
Loc: the sun
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: THEBats]
    #169300 - 12/24/08 10:19 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

THEBats said:
10. Pretend to die, see what they do.
9.  Make them watch pornos all day.
8.  Kill all the family pets and say that God did it because they wouldn't do the dishes. This should foster a nice atheistic household.
7.  When you bathe them, point and laugh at their genitalia.
6.  Tell them you love them every day. When they say, "I love you too," laugh and say, "I was just kidding!"
5.  Tape them to the ceiling.
4.  For the first five years of their life (until they start Kindergarten) replace all the lights in the house with strobe lights. See what happens. (My guess: They'll learn to blink in synch with the strobe. That's what happened when I tried this experiment with kittens.)
3.  Whenever they say a certain word, (let's pick "hungry") do a little dance, jump up and down three times, clap, touch your toes, then lay down and pretend to go to sleep.
2.  Teach them right and left backwards. This will be sure to fuck them up for years to come.
1.  Do whatever your parents did to you. You're pretty fucked up.



i can't believe i missed this thread :congrats:


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OfflinePhriend
/\/\♠♠♠/\/\
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/19/08
Posts: 2,416
Loc: in the walls
Last seen: 7 years, 11 months
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: mel_lonta_tauda]
    #169301 - 12/24/08 10:23 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

mel_lonta_tauda said:
Quote:

THEBats said:
10. Pretend to die, see what they do.
9.  Make them watch pornos all day.
8.  Kill all the family pets and say that God did it because they wouldn't do the dishes. This should foster a nice atheistic household.
7.  When you bathe them, point and laugh at their genitalia.
6.  Tell them you love them every day. When they say, "I love you too," laugh and say, "I was just kidding!"
5.  Tape them to the ceiling.
4.  For the first five years of their life (until they start Kindergarten) replace all the lights in the house with strobe lights. See what happens. (My guess: They'll learn to blink in synch with the strobe. That's what happened when I tried this experiment with kittens.)
3.  Whenever they say a certain word, (let's pick "hungry") do a little dance, jump up and down three times, clap, touch your toes, then lay down and pretend to go to sleep.
2.  Teach them right and left backwards. This will be sure to fuck them up for years to come.
1.  Do whatever your parents did to you. You're pretty fucked up.



i can't believe i missed this thread :congrats:





dido :lol::thumbup:


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InvisibleThreeLittleBirds
A Guy
Male

Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 752
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: THEBats]
    #169310 - 12/24/08 10:37 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)







--------------------




"Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true........"


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OfflineLSDcoatedD0me


Registered: 12/08/08
Posts: 234
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: ThreeLittleBirds]
    #169312 - 12/24/08 10:39 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

hahaha what a fuckked up thread


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InvisibleTripityDooDaDay
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Roulette

Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 7,600
Re: top 10 ways to screw up your kids [Re: THEBats]
    #169329 - 12/24/08 11:11 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

That's funny as hell. :rofl2:

Tell them that you are going to teach them to swim then take them to the pool and just throw them in. When you leave there tell them you are going to teach them to fly and drive to the airport.


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