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OfflineTribalSeed
SoulJah


Registered: 06/22/13
Posts: 1,697
Loc: Babylon
Last seen: 6 months, 1 day
So here is me doin' me......Some help Brothers!
    #733027 - 05/26/14 12:57 AM (2 years, 6 months ago)

This is way out of my normal and I apologize to you guys for the length and if this is a bit unorganized. I am not used to letting my personal life get out much. In this case though, I need a bit of advice. I don't really have friends in the sense of having someone to call up and talk to. If you have seen Fight Club then you know the types of friends I am used to (Disposable).lol.

So basically I got no one to bounce ideas off of or to ask for help in situations like this.

To start off. My parents weren't always supportive throughout my childhood and last week I had a very important event in my life. My father was absent from it, but I understand he lives about 5 or 6 hours away, my mother was present, but took no part in anything and acted as if she had better things to be doing. Hell, my stepfather was the only person that even seemed happy for me and my family (got a wife and 3 kids if ya didn't know).  Well on top of everything my wife has a story too. Her mother battled heroin all her life and eventually died from an overdose last year at the age of 42. 2 years before that her father died of an anyuresm (cant spell it) that burst because of a heroin overdose. Ironically they both died in the same house in the same bathroom from the same thing. Eerie huh?


  Well fuck, try to stay on it Tribal. Alright well the night after this important event for us, her sister plans to stay the week with us. She is 20. No big deal, the more family the better, well we find out yesterday that she is doing heroin just like her parents. She lives in a shack with 2 children and 6 or 7 other 20 somethings. FUCK. So now we are trying to help get her and those children into a better environment. Hell we offered our home to her just so she could get on her feet and get a car or just find some stability. She wanted nothing to do with us of course and just acted as if we weren't family.

My wife has a long backstory but the long and short of it is that she was homeless most of her teenage years because of her mom being strung out on heroin. Her and her older sister by a year had to take care of the two younger sisters for the longest time.
Now she has come along way and is one of the best mothers a guy could ever have for his children. Diamond in the rough I guys you could say.

Well here is where I need help. We own a car, live in a house, and pretty much live in a way that is dictated by my mother. When I went to buy a new car, my mother decided to commit me to something that was way too expensive, my mom and step father came along house hunting and I ended up with a home less than 3 minutes away from them, but yet we hardly ever see them. They want nothing to do with their grandchildren. They have babysat them twice in the past two months and only once was it overnight. And that's a normal thing, its not like it just started happening. They throw money at any problems and even when the kids do go over to their place they just sit them in front of tvs with food to keep them out of their way. WTF

My father is about 75 years old. Vietnam vet Marine Corp. Sniper. Great man, but mean as hell. I love him with all my heart but he has pushed everyone away in his old age with his bitterness. He just called me 2 nights ago to tell me he has written me and my family off and never wants to speak to us again. The reason is because I wont drop everything in my life and move far away just to take care of his house and the chores that entails that. I would do anything for him, but I have to put my children first, I cant just uproot everything to go do his work. Am I being selfish in that aspect? I mean he did raise me, but I am also trying to raise some young uns.

The final issue for me is this.....I want to find a way into the canna-business. I really want to live in Colorado and start from the bottom and work my way to the top or to owning my own establishment. Big dreams I know, but I have worked in everything you could imagine. From law enforcement to construction. Nothing works. I always have a job, but its just that, a job. I went to college and have an associates in Criminal Justice with a certification in criminal forensics. My wife also has some college education under her belt as well. I feel as if we don't do something now to make us happy, we might not ever get the chance again. We have always lived for others like our parents and since my parents seem to be so obsessed with themselves and my wife's parents are dead, then what else do we have? Why not try to do something positive for us and our kids? Also I risk my freedom and my children everyday that I grow. I love growing, its my passion and I am not that bad at it. I share my bounty with people that need it and I use it myself as medicine for mood problems and depression.

I don't want to put my family on the line doing what I love. I started growing to make money, but realized it was deeper than that for me. Plus I just don't have the connections or the trust to sell to anyone and really be a "drug dealer", so how the hell do I make money?lol.

That's why I want to try Colorado. Its closer to where we are now (16 hours to Denver) and it seems to be more accepting of those who don't look as thought they are from the 1950's or a farmer. We get shunned where we live now. We dress and look different, which may seem trivial, but if you knew where I lived you would get it. Hell I have hair to my shoulders and always wear it in a ponytail and people think that is extreme around here.lol.

Can any of you guys shine some light on this situation for me. I am doing some serious soul searching here and I don't even know where to start. Am I being selfish and disrespecting my parents or am I justified in wanting happiness and a better life for my family?
If I am justified whats the first steps I should take in making things a reality for us? WHo do I talk to? Where do I look for shelter?

Fuck guys I am sorry, I'm really sorry to get so deep and type such a long post, but I am just really fucking lost. I don't have any outsiders that I really trust. I trust you guys with my garden, so I figured that would be the next best thing. Plus I read your guy's post and I enjoy the time I spend on here even if I don't post. Its not because of the pretty green background, its because of you growery members. Even the ones who hate each other still seem to have a respect for one another. Idk, you guys just seemed like you could throw some 2 cents in it to help a brother out.

Thanks for taking the time to read all that and be honest. I apologize if I sound like a little bitch, I just need some guidance.

Thanks again guys.

Peace and love.

:baaaam:


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Invisibledrawde
 Arcade Champion: Balloon Bomber

Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 4,787
Re: So here is me doin' me......Some help Brothers! [Re: TribalSeed]
    #733048 - 05/26/14 10:29 AM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Sounds like you need to stand in your own space and know you're there brother.
Other people are calling all the shots in your life whether directly or indirectly.
The only possible result of this is disaster. Nobody can tell you what you need.
And by how you sound, you are smart enough to be making all your own decisions.
Now I don't really know about the situation with Colorado too much,
but it sounds like that market is in the midst of a flood.
Would I move my family out there to gamble on a saturated market? Probably not.
I would try to see where the legalization movement is headed next.
But that's just me, to reiterate, only you can make the decision.
I think that it's essential to do something you are passionate about,
and it doesn't sound like you have had that chance yet.


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OfflineTribalSeed
SoulJah


Registered: 06/22/13
Posts: 1,697
Loc: Babylon
Last seen: 6 months, 1 day
Re: So here is me doin' me......Some help Brothers! [Re: drawde]
    #733107 - 05/26/14 11:17 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

drawde said:
Sounds like you need to stand in your own space and know you're there brother.
Other people are calling all the shots in your life whether directly or indirectly.
The only possible result of this is disaster. Nobody can tell you what you need.
And by how you sound, you are smart enough to be making all your own decisions.
Now I don't really know about the situation with Colorado too much,
but it sounds like that market is in the midst of a flood.
Would I move my family out there to gamble on a saturated market? Probably not.
I would try to see where the legalization movement is headed next.
But that's just me, to reiterate, only you can make the decision.
I think that it's essential to do something you are passionate about,
and it doesn't sound like you have had that chance yet.



Man you pretty well hit the nail on the head. Thanks for reading thru all that. I was nervous to check this thread tonite, didn't know if I'd get laughed off the growery or what.lol

You are right with the Colorado thing. I felt like it was a flooded market too. I hear things are progressing right next to me in Illinois, but I don't think they are anywhere near the progress of other states.

Thanks for the kind words as well. I know I can do things on my own, just never really been given the chance. I worked at a porn shop for awhile and it was something I was passionate about.lol. But sex is a little different I guess.lol.

Where would you start if you were looking to make a decision like me? Jobs first or a place first? Just confused abit on how to start the process. I keep getting shit on by my family and its getting tiring just smiling about it.

drawde man, you are gold dude. Thanks for taking my post seriously and giving some help. I thank you so much. I'm confused if I am doing the right thing or the wrong thing with my family. I don't want to abandon them, but fuck would they really care if I did leave or would they hate it because it makes them look bad?

Fuck who knows man.


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Invisibledrawde
 Arcade Champion: Balloon Bomber

Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 4,787
Re: So here is me doin' me......Some help Brothers! [Re: TribalSeed]
    #734127 - 06/01/14 07:24 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Well usually where there is work there are spots to live. I would secure yourself a position first before relocating if you can.

I can't really give you the answers. Do you want to spend your whole life tied down by others expectations of you?


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Offlinevolcomstoner
Just one more xanax
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/30/09
Posts: 4,912
Loc: Gaybec
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
Re: So here is me doin' me......Some help Brothers! [Re: drawde]
    #734140 - 06/01/14 09:17 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

posting to read later, too fucked up atm


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Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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OfflineTribalSeed
SoulJah


Registered: 06/22/13
Posts: 1,697
Loc: Babylon
Last seen: 6 months, 1 day
Re: So here is me doin' me......Some help Brothers! [Re: volcomstoner]
    #734154 - 06/01/14 11:06 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

drawde said:
Well usually where there is work there are spots to live. I would secure yourself a position first before relocating if you can.

I can't really give you the answers. Do you want to spend your whole life tied down by others expectations of you?




Very True. You are right man. My expectations and wants out of life are a lot different than all the others. Hopefully they can just support me and if not, well I love them, but fuck em. Maybe not as dickheaded but you get what I mean.

Quote:

volcomstoner said:
posting to read later, too fucked up atm




Thanks for even checking it out man. I've been there. Enjoy the high!
:baaaam:


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