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Offlineoxalic32
Male
Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 445
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Time to put up the old facade, eh?
    #68014 - 06/28/08 01:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Lately i've been openly discussing my cannabis use with my parents. I am 18 still living with them, but will soon be dorming at college.

I decided to be open, which seems to be a mistake. They do not approve of what i am doing regardless of the facts. What i'm wondering is if i should go back to creating an image. Just look like the good son, deny any involvement with any substances and hide behind that image.

Its not that they just don't agree, when i see them when i talk to them its like they're dying while watching me make my choices. I told my father i rather die than live by the laws/rules of others, he then told me i need counseling. I'm perfectly sane, i'm perfectly normal, but they'll never see it that way.

How do you go about the situation with your parents? Completely avoid it? Completely open?

I feel like being open with them was the biggest mistake i have ever made. Should i try to just recreate my former image?


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OfflineSirius
Saturn Ascends

Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 1,540
Loc: The Milky Way
Last seen: 7 months, 23 days
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? (moved)
    #68020 - 06/28/08 01:42 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

This thread was moved from Website Announcements and Feedback.

Reason:
Probably better for the Smoke Lounge rather than WA&F. :wink:


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OfflineDoitagain
Smoothie therapist
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 7,226
Loc: i am everywhere and nowhe...
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? [Re: oxalic32]
    #68022 - 06/28/08 01:44 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

oxalic32 said:
Should i try to just recreate my former image?



probably


--------------------
ltd said:
fgts just don't understand

keep the shit


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InvisibleJollyGreenJRayV
Mister
Male
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 717
Loc: North America
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? (moved) [Re: Sirius]
    #68025 - 06/28/08 01:45 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

As long as you perform in school and don't make yourself a bad example of a pot smoker, just keep being honest to show them it's not that bad afterall.  Also, remind them that you could be alot worse.


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Offlinenumonk

Registered: 04/21/08
Posts: 374
Loc: Back! From the digestive ...
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? (moved) [Re: JollyGreenJRayV]
    #68029 - 06/28/08 02:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Your parents sound quite intolerant. Many people are so tied to the propaganda that has been...well...propagated over the past century.

If the facts, which are clearly in general support of your position, cannot change their mind then you probably will not be able to by another route.

You are an adult, you don't have to mend to fit your parents expectations, but it might make thanksgiving dinner a little less tense if you try to keep from bringing the subject up profusely.




~Monk


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Offlineoxalic32
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Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 445
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? (moved) [Re: JollyGreenJRayV]
    #68051 - 06/28/08 02:42 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

JollyGreenJRayV said:
As long as you perform in school and don't make yourself a bad example of a pot smoker, just keep being honest to show them it's not that bad afterall.  Also, remind them that you could be alot worse.




They don't care about grades. I work 48 hours and i get As and school and take classes like AP Physics. They know i could be worse which makes them feel sick with worry. They seem to care about it as a moral issue. My dad thinks it is an awful drug that "does no good" as he chiefly coins it time and time again. There is no convincing my father, he has admitted to that. I seek tolerance, but i think hiding my views would reap better results.

I live with them for now, so i was open about it. Tired of being paranoid 24/7. I suppose this is worse though... Wish i could have known the outcome. Sometimes you take risks and hope for the best.


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Invisiblemel_lonta_tauda
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Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,407
Loc: the sun
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? (moved) [Re: oxalic32]
    #68052 - 06/28/08 02:45 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i've been living with my aunt for 7 months now and i've been smoking under her nose the whole time. :shrug: 

figured i'd tell her once i get a job and start being "responsible"


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OfflinegeokillsA
······· º¿° ·······
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Registered: 05/08/01
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Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? [Re: oxalic32]
    #68055 - 06/28/08 02:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Here's my take, as I've had to deal with this myself.  When I was your age, my parents were definitely a little uncomfortable about my interest in marijuana and various psychedelics, and so I simply didn't press the matter.  There was no need for me to go on about that specific personal interest of mine, and so out of respect for those who would prefer not to hear about it, I did not bring the subject up.  Of course, if I were approached about it or it was brought up by others, I would often choose to be honest about my positions. 

At a younger age, from 15 - 18, when my use was in its infancy, I did make a conscious effort to keep this interest from any authoritative figure, including my parents.  I figured that at that age, where my parents were still very much responsible for my actions and well-being, it would be best not to place them in such a difficult position.  By the time I was 18 however, I now had legal claim over my own actions, and therefore it seemed reasonable to be a little more open about my personal life, as the legal responsibility fell entirely upon myself.

Fast forward, I am now 25 years of age and am very open about my intrigues.  Of course, I've also become considerably more responsible with my use.  My mother has fully accepted my intrigues, and has even developed her own - as recently as her last visit, inquiring about my vaporizer which sits on my office desk and asking whether she could give it a try sometime (score!).  My father on the other hand, is still quite pensive about my use, and over the past seven years, often becomes visibly disturbed when it is brought to the forefront of conversation. 

Over these past couple of years however, he has starting to realize that this is not so much of a "fad" or a "phase" (as he had previously insisted it was), and that I do carry a genuine interest in and belief that the responsible use of marijuana is a positive influence in my life.  He may not be to the point of total acceptance - as he often makes immature and snide remarks about "the stoners" - but he is at least beginning to tolerate my choices; and that is all I can truly ask for.

In conclusion, just be who you are.  Do what you think is right.  Consider the feelings of those around you, but if you are pressed, hold to your convictions.  Stand up for what you believe in, but remember that there is no need to scream it from the rooftops, as everyone is entitled to different beliefs.

Best of luck with the fam! :sun:


--------------------
Do Your Part!


--------------------


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Invisiblemel_lonta_tauda
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Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,407
Loc: the sun
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? [Re: geokills]
    #68057 - 06/28/08 02:53 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i find it weird that my aunt can't put the pieces together that i do drugs.  hahaha.  i mean come on, she's seen all my mushroom books, she stumbled upon two seedlings growing in my closet, and she literally helped me stir my SP tea last night :lol:


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Offlineoxalic32
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Registered: 06/04/08
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Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? [Re: geokills]
    #68062 - 06/28/08 03:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Same situation as me. My mother is more understanding my father also said "when you're older you'll look back at this and say how stupid it all was". I tried to convince him i have serious interest in my explorations. He seems to think its all just for fun and its a phase.

Once i'm out of the house i'm not holding back. I don't bring it into conversation unless they bring it up first. Our conversations often just follow circles. The most troubling thing is my father saying i need some kind of help because i am doing these things. He controls where i live and was going to pay for me to go to college. I think he still will, but i'm worried.

One day he might change, but i'm not going to wait for it. You get 1 life, why not do what you want? People always tell you in their speeches you'll regret what you didn't do in college or some other place, apply it all to life now.


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InvisibleOmbient
ɥɐɹq ɹǝqos

Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 3,499
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? [Re: oxalic32]
    #68066 - 06/28/08 03:12 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Eh, you can only be so open with your parents about stuff like that....at least in my case. My parents know that I've done some stuff and I've openly admitted to it, no big deal. But I never went so far as to tell them whether or like it or disliked it, how I felt about it, and my views on it, or even what it was I'd taken. All they know is I've smoked and besides that dabbled in some 'other stuff' too and we leave it at that, I'm not a regular (daily) user and I think they pretty much know that. So it's all good.

I don't want to try to convince them of anything or change their view of things, I feel like that's what I would try to do if I was 100% open with them. So I'm half open, half fake I guess...a little of both.  Works for me and them.


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Offlineoxalic32
Male
Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 445
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Time to put up the old facade, eh? [Re: Ombient]
    #68074 - 06/28/08 03:18 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I was the 1/2 open 1/2 closed before. I had basically got caught and decided i'll just be 100% open. My thoughts at the time, i'm 18 and can be responsible for my own actions. Being 100% open hasn't played out like i've wanted it to. My advice is to keep under the radar until you have your own house. Then tell them if you still feel the need.

It really hasn't helped me so far. They have been pretty okay about it, but some of their expressions still pain me. My father was quite with an angry face drawn onto him until he eventually erupted at my dog barking. Everyone in my house heard him, i wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors did. That instance particularly makes me regret ever being open. If i was quite and still concealed i would have never put him through that.


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