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Invisibleniteowl
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Registered: 04/20/08
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A shitty situation
    #287702 - 09/28/09 03:36 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I recently found out that my step-daughter is spanking her 2 and 3 year old kids with a fucking belt.

:grrr:

Ever since she moved out she has had a chip on her shoulder for me. Mainly because I was strict on her as a kid. Her mother and I gave her chores to do. Just personal stuff, keeping her room clean, putting her clean clothes away, brushing her teeth and she had 1 household chore. The dishes. We even had a dish washer. All she had to do was clear the supper dishes from the table, load and run the washer and wipe down the counters.

Nothing over the top by any means, but since her friends didn't have to do chores, she felt like Cinderella with a wicked step-father.

By the time she moved out and had kids, I was not working, and in the process of filing for disability. She had 2 kids under 18 months old and was needing help with them. My wife and I convinced her to let me watch them. I could do it for a fraction of what they were paying for a babysitter. It would give me something to do, a little income, help them out and get to see my grand kids on a regular basis.

Win Win situation

Aiden was about 18 months old and Cadie was about 4 months old when I started keeping them. Feedings, naps, diapers, the whole nine yards and I LOVED it. We had a blast. Playing with them, teaching them stuff and just being together was the closest thing I have come to heaven on earth.

I kept them until Cadie was just learning to walk. Then my wife and I had a fight and we went our separate ways. My daughter has not let me see my grand kids since.

This was June of last year.

The whole time we are separated. My daughter never visited her mother. Not once. You would think that she'd be happy to see her mother leave me, and start her life over. Maybe stop in for a cup of coffee on the weekend. Or invite her mother over for supper once in a while. The only interaction they had was when my wife would go over there on the weekend to babysit.

Obviously she didn't give a shit about visiting with her mother only in what her mother could do for her which was babysit. They would go and visit his parents virtually every weekend. But would always came up with excuses NOT to visit her own mother.

:dudewtf:

In a way, she helped her mother and I get back together.

During the separation, my wife was intent on getting a divorce. I didn't see her for several months. Then I started calling her to talk about splitting our stuff up, eventually going over there to talk face to face. One thing led to another, and we started hanging out more. Later I found out that she was lonely because I was the only person that would visit her. My wife and I got back together in Feb and my daughter has all but disowned her mother because of it.

With a lot of talking on my wifes part she was starting to get back on her daughters good side again.

When I found out about the belt thing, I went to their place of work (they both work at wal-mart) found him threatened to report them to DHS if I ever hear of them using a belt on my grand babies again

:facepalm:

now everyone (daughter, son-in-law and wife) is fucking mad at me

Fuck My Life :shake:


--------------------
The Ego is a pathological condition
like a calcareous tumor or cyst
that begins growing in the personality
in the absence of hallucinogenic substances
-Terence McKenna-


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OfflineCannaboid
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #287734 - 09/28/09 09:35 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Aww man, hope everything turns out good with the family after a while.

Seems a bit young to even think about spanking a child also. I mean, I got spanked as a kid, but that was when I was like 7, 8, or 9.


--------------------


Edited by Cannaboid (09/28/09 09:38 AM)


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InvisibleFarBeyondDriven
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Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 13,834
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: Cannaboid]
    #287740 - 09/28/09 10:41 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Cannaboid said:
Aww man, hope everything turns out good with the family after a while.

Seems a bit young to even think about spanking a child also. I mean, I got spanked as a kid, but that was when I was like 7, 8, or 9.




yeah belts is a bit much for kids of that age. sounds like your daughter may have some unresolved issues she needs to work out. but they're definetly too young for belts. sucks when the family atmosphere is shitty, i know the feelin :thumbdown:

good luck to you man


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Offlinemoogles

Registered: 09/23/09
Posts: 196
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: FarBeyondDriven]
    #287754 - 09/28/09 11:36 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Damn the belt THAT early?

That's no way to teach/treat a loved one.
I agree with a gentle but firm swat, but anytime
another object comes into play, it becomes more abusive.

You have to THINK about grabbing a belt to beat the person..

Almost like one enjoys the action.

Premeditated physical discipline is no go in my book.


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InvisibleDr. SiekadellykM
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #287757 - 09/28/09 12:19 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

that sux........id probably freak out


--------------------
The Kratom Report...


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OfflineSmOakland
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: moogles]
    #287758 - 09/28/09 12:22 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

That is fucked up im sorry to hear that.  If everything you say is fact then there is no doubt that you are in the right here- that is borderline illegal child abuse and shitty parenting.  The kids are lucks to have you around.  I have no idea what you should do except making sure that your grandkids don't get hit too much.  Good luck, man.


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OfflineThebooedocksaint
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: SmOakland]
    #287769 - 09/28/09 01:16 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Wait... what?

:kingcrankey:

If I found out someone I knew was using a belt on kids that young I would just grab the belt and snap them in the Nuts/Face with it. Cheap shots FTW against child abusers.


--------------------
"To say that nothing is true, is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and that we must be the shepherds of our own civilization. To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic."

"Je pense, donc je suis (I am thinking, therefore I am)." -Rene Descartes

I am tired of Earth
I am tired of these people


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: Thebooedocksaint]
    #287822 - 09/28/09 03:32 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

The shitty part is ......... I have no idea WTF to do.

My hands are tied at the moment.

I agree that a swat on the bottom can work if applied properly, especially at their age. A belt is just overkill IMO.

My daughter got a belt a few times when she was in her teens. But each time I used a belt on her she was given a choice to correct her cations, prior to the belt.

The most vivid time I recall, was over her clothes. She had gotten into a habit of not putting her clothes up, and just throwing them on her bed. She kept running out of clothes bitching at us for not washing them and giving them to her. We looked and we didn't have her clothes in our room, and they were not in the dirty clothes. We told her that her clothes had to be in her room somewhere. She kept insisting that they were not in her room. I decide to go look for my self and found all of her clothes under her bed.

I scolded her for hot putting her cloths away and for not looking for them when she couldn't find them.

About a month later we get the same complaint from her I haven't got any clean clothes. I asked her if she looked under her bed. She said she had and they were not there. So we started looking through our room and the dirty clothes. Nothing. I asked her again to go check her room, mainly under her bed. She comes back saying they are not there.

I told her that if I go into her room and find her clothes that I was going to be mad. She swore that her clothes were not in her room. So I made a bet with her. If I go look in her room and find her clothes, she gets 1 lick from a belt for each item of clothing I find.

She said fine.

I go to her room and looked under her bed.

I ended up pulling out like 23 pieces of her clothes.

I didn't give her 23 licks all at once, but told her she had to take 5 licks a day till they were up.

I didn't spank her often, mainly I just took away her phone/TV/computer privileges, cause she HATED that. She would have rather had a spanking than loose her phone rights for the weekend.

So I really don't understand where using a belt as a primary means of discipline came from, unless it is coming from her husband.

What I find kinda funny is.....my mother-in-law had threatened to call DHS on me several times for different shit....making her do chores, taking away her phone rights......really just anything my daughter would complain to her about.

I told her each time to call them because I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong.

She never did.

When I told my son-in-law that I was gonna call DHS if he used a belt on them babies again, they both got real scared.

If your not doing something wrong then WTF are you scared of :flowstone:


--------------------
The Ego is a pathological condition
like a calcareous tumor or cyst
that begins growing in the personality
in the absence of hallucinogenic substances
-Terence McKenna-


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OfflineSmOakland
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #287825 - 09/28/09 03:35 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Damn your step daughter sure could have used some more severe punishment when she was younger.  Corporal punishment should not be necessary in the teens.


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: SmOakland]
    #287830 - 09/28/09 03:53 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

:dudewtf:

are you saying I should have beaten my kid more when she was younger :confused:


--------------------
The Ego is a pathological condition
like a calcareous tumor or cyst
that begins growing in the personality
in the absence of hallucinogenic substances
-Terence McKenna-


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InvisibleFarBeyondDriven
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Registered: 04/22/08
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #287837 - 09/28/09 04:13 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

that sucks man...those children are too young for that. :nonono:

not much you really can do aside from calling social services or something. or sitting down with her and really talking to her, but from what you're telling us, that probably wont work


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Offlinemoogles

Registered: 09/23/09
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #287858 - 09/28/09 05:20 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

niteowl said:
...
If your not doing something wrong then WTF are you scared of :flowstone:



Agreed.
I hope your daughter recognizes that you are doing this out of love.
Things like this can get all sorts of messy


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OfflineSmOakland
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #287890 - 09/28/09 07:19 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Never said to beat anyone.


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: SmOakland]
    #287945 - 09/28/09 09:08 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

SmOakland said:
Never said to beat anyone.




no you said.......

Quote:

SmOakland said:
Damn your step daughter sure could have used some more severe punishment when she was younger.




What would you suggest?

Quote:

Corporal punishment should not be necessary in the teens.




That implies that it is necessary to do so at a younger age


--------------------
The Ego is a pathological condition
like a calcareous tumor or cyst
that begins growing in the personality
in the absence of hallucinogenic substances
-Terence McKenna-


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OfflineSmOakland
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #288067 - 09/29/09 12:40 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I'm not trying to tell you how to raise kids.  She sounds like she was a pretty bitchy teenager though, with the clothes situation and what not.  I respected my parents way too much by my teenage years to pull some bullshit like that.  I guess that I did not mean more severe punishment, but simply being stricter and using the same punishment methods.  But that does not really matter at this point as apparently is fully grown and has her own kids.

If I had to make a suggestion to you (I don't know if this is what you had in mind when you started this thread), it would be to not try to tell your daughter how to raise her kids.  Unless you think that she is being abusive (as in taking out some outside anger on her children rather than just punishing them too severely), then there is nothing you can do without pissing people off further.  It sounds like you are an excellent grandfather and a good influence on the youngsters, and I would suggest doing all you can to be involved with them (you obviously really care about them, and are a positive influence).


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: SmOakland]
    #288190 - 09/29/09 07:44 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Thats part of the problem.
She won't let me see my grand kids.

She has been a bitch about that ever since my wife and I almost got a divorce, last year. I haven't seen them in almost a year now.


--------------------
The Ego is a pathological condition
like a calcareous tumor or cyst
that begins growing in the personality
in the absence of hallucinogenic substances
-Terence McKenna-


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OfflineMFDoom666
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: niteowl]
    #288216 - 09/29/09 11:19 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

quick, spank your step-daughter with a gnarled root.



good thing i had one on hand.


--------------------

FurrowedBrow said:

They should teach african engineering at the college level.  mcgyver 101

Harry_Ba11sach said:

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?


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OfflineIrishCoffee
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Re: A shitty situation [Re: MFDoom666]
    #288297 - 09/29/09 02:45 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

awe piss.


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