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Just a Little Update
    #723255 -

I feel like I havent posted on here lately and figured I would update those of you who are interested in my progress

So since my relapse I have managed to stay clean. Not only from dope, but from alcohol as well, and even gave up smoking cigs several days ago

The dude I am living with has made things substantially harder as he is an addict. He has no running water in his house any more cause of some problem with his well pump, and now his furnace has gone out and he has no heat. So basically it's camping but with electricity.

I will hopefully be back to living with my girl and her son within the next couple of weeks. But worst case scenario I have to spend a few weeks back at the men's shelter until things get sorted out legally.

All and all, I cant complain. I feel good about where things currently stand with my drug/alcohol use. I have been looking for work and feel like something is going to open up for me in the next week or two

So how is everyone here doing? I have been lurking but not much. I saw that PO's little one said his first word, that's pretty rad. Saw a couple old members pop back in.

Anyways, would like to thank everyone for their continued support over the past several years. I know I have had lots of ups and downs. and far more downs than ups.

If anyone has an extra dose or two of kratom, I would be really appreciative of a small treat for myself

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723256 -

Oh yeah, And I start my individual counseling tomorrow night. I had been doing group counseling which really sucks. So I am happy to be doing private counseling now and I hope she gets me setup to see their psych doctor within 3-4 weeks so I can get on some medication for anxiety and insomnia. I think those are 2 of my biggest issues. Being awake til 7-8am in the morning makes your day pretty much worthless.

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723264 -

Don't relapse, i got money on ya bro!

lol kidding, but i am glad you're doing well.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #723267 -

iStoner said:
Don't relapse, i got money on ya bro!



LMAF
But yeah keep your chin up Picklez.


--------------------
:getstoned:

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Stoneth]
    #723274 -

As long as I can get a fucking job and move back in with my family, things will be peachy... hopefully it's not too far off.

I am really hoping things are in a much better place in the next 30 days. Because I cant keep living how I am living.

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723582 -

Well my girls worthless fucking lawyer is going to file a motion to get the custody agreement changed, which means I can finally move back home with my family... But who knows how long it will take to get in front of a mediator/judge. Hopefully not more than a month

I meet with my case manager tomorrow and going to hit up the Temp Agency in town and apply at some other jobs downtown. I need to start making money again! I hate not working

I meet with my P.O for the first time next week and I would like to have a job by then.

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723583 -

Anyone have any Kratom?

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723587 -

no but i have a vendor who does


also hope you can start living with the fam again soon, you seemed to be doing well for a while there while living with em.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #723588 -

iStoner said:
no but i have a vendor who does


also hope you can start living with the fam again soon, you seemed to be doing well for a while there while living with em.


My family is my girl and her kid. Not my parents. Just to clear that up

And yeah, I was doing really well after I got released from prison up until the time I relapsed. I started drinking again a bit too much but I was doing pretty damn good for myself.

I will get things back in time

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723589 -

Well yeah, i hope you weren't thinking about moving in with the parents, you're a little old for that. lol.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #723591 -

:lol:


--------------------
:getstoned:

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #723593 -

:lol:

yeah, just last time I said "my family," someone thought I lived with my folks. Just had to clear that up

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723686 -

As always, I wish you the best.


--------------------
Child of the 60's, Tripping ever sence.

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: KaptKid]
    #723781 -

Thanks Kapt

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #723830 -

I'm down to a qp so no kratom from me... Good luck with your new adventure called life. Just remember, everyone has problems... Just keep your head high.

:lol: keep your head high... You know what I mean.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #723835 -

I bet you just inspired the shit right out of him. :loldongs:


--------------------
Harry Detroit in 304 made one last promise now
"I'm goin out without a trace, a vanishing act before your eyes"

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: UltimateDevotion]
    #723845 -

:hahyeahwoo:


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724247 -

Got a job offer today, it's just pending the background check, but I told them what would show up on it. she said it's ultimately up to their HR department but she thinks I still have a good shot at the job

I got a fuck ton tomorrow, meeting my PO for the first time, 2 job interviews, and counseling

How is everyone doing around these parts? I havent seen much posting lately... I try to hop on at least once a day

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724251 -

good to hear man. not much going on here, got a job interview tommorow. hoping that goes well.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724258 -

BOOZE!!!!  And I just ran out of tramadol...


--------------------
Dude she isn't as young as she use to be.

-niteowl

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724268 -

I could go for a beer right now

and fuck tramadol, that shit is worthless

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724284 -

I got a job offer... Maint guy making 16.00 but its grave yard. 645pm to 6am. Its 40 + 20 OT every week. The 20 OT would be 22.5 an hour. Great fucking money, but its grave yard... I'd never see my kids.

Not sure what I want to do yet...


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724293 -

working graveyard isnt too bad really.. you get off at 6am, go to sleep, wake up around 2pm and get to spend some of the evening with family

but that is a lot of hours.

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724294 -

I would never see my kids... I could keep making 10/hr but study for my ccna or say fuck it and take this job.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724359 -

Got one job today, part-time gig at a pizza shop. Nothing special but at least it's some money coming it. I start there on Monday

Got a drug test/ background check to do for a little better of a job on Friday.

Met with Probation today and that went smoothly, so all is good in the world for right now...

I wish I could afford some beer, a nice cold one would top the day off quite nicely

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724378 -

Yeah, I'm thinking some kratom and a quart to help with the job decision...


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724387 -

quart of what?

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724406 -

A quart of rye  :lahey:


--------------------
King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: drawde]
    #724407 -

im trying some poppy seed tea tonight... havent done it in about a year and half

knowing my luck they are pre-washed seeds

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724415 -

You can tell just by looking at em if they are washed or not. Hope you didn't buy
the shit on the spice isle though. YOu gotta get either bob red mills, or find a
store that has the bulk poppy seeds in the buckets.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724416 -

how can you tell by looking at them?

I got them at a surplus store, they were still black and bluish

I used to get the ones in the spice aisle at natural food stores and those worked well for me

I used 2 jars and only have a very mild buzz, oh well

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724419 -

They'll be black, and brown instead of white, and blue.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724421 -

and they will have little chunks of pods. i love me spm pst. shits great for a every once and awhile treat. theres a store here that sells em 8.00 per pound and they arnt washed. these fuckers always have em too.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy] * 1
    #724436 -

I think this counts as falling off the wagon.


--------------------
Dude she isn't as young as she use to be.

-niteowl

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724437 -

hawksapprentice said:
I think this counts as falling off the wagon.


:bigyesnod:


--------------------
:getstoned:

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Stoneth]
    #724441 -

Even if they have been washed, and he doesn't get high, it still counts.  The intent is there.


--------------------
Dude she isn't as young as she use to be.

-niteowl

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724442 -

Agreed...


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724443 -

It doesn't count.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724445 -

Does too


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724450 -

iStoner said:
It doesn't count.


definitely doesnt count, i didnt get high

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724452 -

Picklez said:
iStoner said:
It doesn't count.


definitely doesnt count, i didnt get high


it's a sign.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724455 -

Yep, fail.

I might try and order a small batch of kratom once I get working and have a little money saved but nothing else until then

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724457 -

Go grab a few cans of air duster, you'll get high. :cookiemonster:

:facepalm:


--------------------
Harry Detroit in 304 made one last promise now
"I'm goin out without a trace, a vanishing act before your eyes"

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: UltimateDevotion]
    #724464 -

Air duster? That's childs play. What he needs to do is huff freeon.

And it does count. He bought poppies for the sole purpose of getting high. On a side note... I'm gonna pick some poppy up on the way home and then eat a fat dose of kratom.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724480 -

You dont fail a drug test based on intent

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724487 -

Touché


--------------------
King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: drawde]
    #724492 -

Kratom would count as falling off the wagon as well.


--------------------
Dude she isn't as young as she use to be.

-niteowl

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724493 -

hawksapprentice said:
Kratom would count as falling off the wagon as well.


bullshit


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724495 -

:morningtoke:


--------------------
Harry Detroit in 304 made one last promise now
"I'm goin out without a trace, a vanishing act before your eyes"

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724507 -

hawksapprentice said:
Kratom would count as falling off the wagon as well.


How do you figure?

The only people I have to answer to is myself and probation and neither one of those people consider kratom to be a violation

The only time I would consider it falling off the wagon is when you substitute kratom use for another drug and use kratom on a regular basis to cope with not being high

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724554 -

I would like to see a written consent from your po stating that kratom is okay.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724565 -

Im honestly surprised you dont use kratom more often KP, it'd probably be your
best bet whenever you're having bad cravings or whatever. It's better than
shooting up some H, or drinking some morphine. IMO.


--------------------

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: iStoner]
    #724568 -

Well that is what you are doing Picklez.  You are wanting that opiate high, why else would you be trying poppy seed tea, and kratom.  It's not a matter of having to answer to your PO. 

Staying clean means exactly that, not doing mind altering substances.  And since kratom is just that, and mimics an opiate high, that would be falling off the wagon.


--------------------
Dude she isn't as young as she use to be.

-niteowl

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724583 -

Meh, I am happy with where I am at... That is the first time I even tried to get poppy seeds and I havent used kratom at all yet

I dont drink any more or smoke cigarettes... using poppy seeds one time in almost 2 months is fine by me and ultimately myself is the only person I answer to

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724591 -

But it is still falling off the wagon.


--------------------
Dude she isn't as young as she use to be.

-niteowl

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724592 -

hawksapprentice said:
But it is still falling off the wagon.


Maybe to you :shrug:

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724593 -

hawksapprentice said:
But it is still falling off the wagon.


If he's telling the truth than that is a bit harsh dude...


--------------------
King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: drawde] * 1
    #724608 -

He's trying to bring me down to his level :tongue:

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Hawksresurrection]
    #724609 -

hawksapprentice said:
Well that is what you are doing Picklez.  You are wanting that opiate high, why else would you be trying poppy seed tea, and kratom.  It's not a matter of having to answer to your PO. 

Staying clean means exactly that, not doing mind altering substances.  And since kratom is just that, and mimics an opiate high, that would be falling off the wagon.



I would have to agree with this. And I can talk from experience as I'm sure many can. If you pickles want to be clean, you need to stop chasing the "dragon". Until you do that, you will be continually at the mercy of the addiction.

We who have been down the opiate path, know how to find that similar feeling. Kratom, can be a good thing if your coming off opies. But poppy pods,  and any other Opie derivatives are only gonna throw you back into old habits!

Picklez, I wish you the best.... I have been battling this stupid addiction for many years of my life. And know that if you are serious about "kicking it". Then the only answer is to NOT surround yourself with users, NOT be looking for similar highs, and to just not dismiss the fact that you are an addict and keep yourself on track. FYI, poppy anything can test you positive for opiates!

Good luck with your demons Picklez, and know that you are the keeper of your destiny. You alone hold the keys to success!


--------------------

:guns: Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness :guns:

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: SpaceMonkey]
    #724611 -

Im not worried about it.. I have 2 months clean under my belt and before that I had almost 10 months clean

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #724620 -

and before that you had 3 months clean and before that you had 7 months clean and before that you had 2 weeks clean and before that you had 2 months clean.

:lol:

im just fucking off. good luck man.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #724633 -

Yeah yeah, bottom line is that I have had 1 use in nearly 1 year... I can live with that

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #725049 -

Damn, so the job that hired me had me come all the way into work today then the owner says that he cant hire me, that his daughter lost her job and she's going to be working full-time :thumbdown:

Job #2 is waiting on my drug test and background check still....

Job #3, I did the phone interview and if I get a call back within a week it will be for an "in-person" interview

Job #4, Job interview this morning at 8am

Job #5, turning in application tonight...

Guess I got to just keep pounding the pavement til I find something...

Hopefully go get my driver's permit in a couple weeks, by the beginning of May

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Re: Just a Little Update [Re: Picklez]
    #725060 -

Dude, you're doing more than most people... I can't even think of the last time I heard someone mention multiple job interviews.

Keep it up! It will eventually work out.


--------------------
Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing, Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, I am alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard through the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race, or color, a hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers, and letting them fall apart to a new rhythm just to feel better

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just a Little Update [Re: poor boy]
    #725612 -

I go in to do all my paperwork on Sunday and hopefully start the following week.. Just a fast food job but it's at least some money until I find something better

Got a real job interview on Wednesday of next week so hopefully that pans out and I can work both of them for a little while

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