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 THEBats
The Bridge Master
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 8,488
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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 most offensive world records 
#127262 - 09/30/08 11:33 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991 (assuming U.S. pints, that’s roughly 0.8 L or almost a whole milk bag. Can you say gang bang? Can you say EEEWWW!!!). Gee, I wonder which cesspool of disease recently got named the AIDS poster child? That, and consider the possibility that she didn’t get “it” all down on the first “shot” and……..oh, never mind).
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina (talk about flossing yer teeth when performing………well, I’m sure you can extrapolate from here).
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina (this, for the uniformed, is what one calls a loose, sloppy **insert vulgar label for female genitalia here**).
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch (only the English, only the English. Don’t even begin to think of what his back-nee, or butt-nee must have been like. Like, what did the guy do to get a zit this big? Smear pig grease all over his face for a month?).
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac (safely drunk?!? Aphrodisiac?!? More like a Fear Factor dare if ya ask me).
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a ‘C*nt Pump’ (I’ve, um, “heard” that it’s not bad. Oh, hush up ).
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a ’substantial’ amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a ’staggering turd’ over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state (any coincidence Taco Bell is headquartered there? Ever hear of a grain product called bran there, buddy?
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds (forget the WWI German gases or Saddam! FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, WHATEVER YA DO DON’T LIGHT A MATCH!!! Can you imagine the blue angel off that one? Large enough to thaw friggin’ Siberia).
Pretty nasty stuff there huh? I wonder which ones if any are true? I really don’t believe that anyone could store enough gas in there intestines to fart for almost 3 minutes. But if you could, I bet you would feel mighty relieved after the fact!
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kickin-two-hundo said:
you know what i did in english class? I came to class stoned out of my mind every day, i chugged vodka in the back of class, i put dead fish in the ceiling tiles. i put a gallon of old milk and orange juice in the file cabinet before winter vacation. i brought snakes in a tied up sweater and let them loose during class. i didnt go to school to learn, i went because i had to. i didnt care, and i didn't fucking listen to that stupid bitch. and i still don't fucking care. i tore the pages out of her books and burned them, and threw away all the books in the class, two books per day. 
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: THEBats]
#127264 - 09/30/08 11:36 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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THEBats said:
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991 (assuming U.S. pints, that’s roughly 0.8 L or almost a whole milk bag. Can you say gang bang? Can you say EEEWWW!!!). Gee, I wonder which cesspool of disease recently got named the AIDS poster child? That, and consider the possibility that she didn’t get “it” all down on the first “shot” and……..oh, never mind).
Thats impressive. Id put my dick in her mouf
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Tripp420
WAT?
Registered: 07/06/08
Posts: 4,186
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: Picklez]
#127266 - 09/30/08 11:37 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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i wouldnt...
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 mel_lonta_tauda
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,407
Loc: the sun
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: Tripp420]
#127275 - 09/30/08 11:58 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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that rapper lil kim took a trip to the hospital for too much semen in HER stomach. that's just grosss
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yellownotepad
Pharmaceutical Agriculturalist
Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 1,702
Last seen: 13 years, 10 months
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: Picklez]
#127282 - 10/01/08 12:21 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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KillerPicklez said:
Thats impressive. Id put my dick in her mouf
thats about the last place i'd ever allow my dick to go. disgusting.
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Sativus
Brosef Knecht
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 2,486
Loc: PNW
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: yellownotepad]
#127294 - 10/01/08 12:57 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a ’staggering turd’ over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state (any coincidence Taco Bell is headquartered there? Ever hear of a grain product called bran there, buddy?
Just reading that makes my bowels hurt!
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mel_lonta_tauda
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,407
Loc: the sun
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: THEBats]
#127298 - 10/01/08 01:09 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a ’substantial’ amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph
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THEBats
The Bridge Master
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 8,488
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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now THAT'S impressive.
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kickin-two-hundo said:
you know what i did in english class? I came to class stoned out of my mind every day, i chugged vodka in the back of class, i put dead fish in the ceiling tiles. i put a gallon of old milk and orange juice in the file cabinet before winter vacation. i brought snakes in a tied up sweater and let them loose during class. i didnt go to school to learn, i went because i had to. i didnt care, and i didn't fucking listen to that stupid bitch. and i still don't fucking care. i tore the pages out of her books and burned them, and threw away all the books in the class, two books per day.
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JonnyBegood
Sex, Nugs, Rock & Roll
Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 258
Last seen: 17 years, 2 days
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: THEBats]
#127366 - 10/01/08 09:00 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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epic thread hahaha, whast with all the god damn semen.
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"One Day, One World, One Love" 4/20
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Harry_Ba11sach
cannoisseur
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 11,753
Loc: Nepal 
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: Sativus]
#127378 - 10/01/08 09:53 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sativus said:
Quote:
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a ’staggering turd’ over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state (any coincidence Taco Bell is headquartered there? Ever hear of a grain product called bran there, buddy?
Just reading that makes my bowels hurt!
I read that stat last night after smoking a birthday blunt with my roommate and we literally couldn't stop laughing for a good 20 minutes. I mean fuck, that's at least a good 2 or 3 Courics!!!
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0xYg3n
el cid
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 2,591
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: JonnyBegood]
#127403 - 10/01/08 11:17 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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hahahaha, awesome thread.
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JonnyBegood
Sex, Nugs, Rock & Roll
Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 258
Last seen: 17 years, 2 days
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: 0xYg3n]
#127454 - 10/01/08 01:32 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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i swear one time my friend had a zit that exploded like ten feet. no joke. it was like a pyramid on his nose and one day after just sweating a shit load it started to go and me and my friends were watching him pop it. then BAM it was spewing zit juice for ever. ewwwww lol. whats the record for the longest burp?
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"One Day, One World, One Love" 4/20
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Toiletduk
Head Goon
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 1,675
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: THEBats]
#127484 - 10/01/08 02:29 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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THEBats said:
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a ’staggering turd’ over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state (any coincidence Taco Bell is headquartered there? Ever hear of a grain product called bran there, buddy?
Damn, and I thought my 16 inchers were big. 
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0xYg3n
el cid
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 2,591
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: Toiletduk]
#127538 - 10/01/08 03:39 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Lawl.
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b0b gnarley
Registered: 04/21/08
Posts: 5,663
Last seen: 14 years, 11 months
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: 0xYg3n]
#204578 - 03/10/09 10:57 PM (17 years, 1 month ago) |
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had to bump this is funnier than shit
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Cody
Registered: 02/17/09
Posts: 204
Loc: South East USA
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Re: most offensive world records [Re: b0b gnarley]
#204584 - 03/10/09 11:05 PM (17 years, 1 month ago) |
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lord have mercy 0.8 litre of cum? im sure alot of jizz had to miss..when the gang bang took place. i bet she got her husband or soemthing to jizz in a bottle for a few months and she kept it in the fridge. thats alot of protein.
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Also known as Heineken on  The Shroomery
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SpaceMonkey
Mind Pilot
Registered: 02/09/09
Posts: 3,471
Loc: Hawaiian Islands
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
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 Re: most offensive world records [Re: THEBats]
#204618 - 03/11/09 12:57 AM (17 years, 1 month ago) |
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Too funny! 
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 Don't Mistake My Kindness For Weakness
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